My Thoughts

Well it's been a year since John got laid off from his job. It's been a difficult year for both of us. You hear how I feel about the whole thing but does anyone realize what it does to John? I sit here and watch him night after night pour over phone books and internet sights trying to find anything. I have even taken the reins on some and applied at Walmart, Sam's,7-11 and other gas stations. He never gets a call. Think, how would it make you feel if every time you interviewed you got told you weren't good enough or nothing at all? I watch him disappear a little each time he interviews and then watch his sails go down when he doesn't get the job. For men being able to provide for their families is all tied into their self esteem and how they feel about being a "man." For a while now I have provided for our family. It doesn't bother me at all. Anyone who cares to read this, think of it in my way and answer these questions. Would it to be better with someone who can give me everything I want or need and be treated poorly, and that person is never at home and the girls don't have much of a father, or would it be better to be with someone who loves me completely and is there 100% for our girls. Someone who is a father and a wonderful spoiling husband. Sure I will admit I would love to have both but right now I don't and I am ok with that because my emotional needs are met. We have to let some things slide because we don't have the money and sometimes bills have to wait but we always take care of things.

Another thing to think of before I sign off. I take care of us finacially no surprise there. If that's the case if I didn't love, truly love, my husband would I still be here? I don't need him to help support me, I can take care of myself. So, I am here because I want to be. I am also teaching my girls to be strong women and that it's ok for them to support their families. Times are changing and it's ok for a wife to take care of their families. It's also nice knowing that if anything happens and our marriage goes bust I can leave and be ok on our own. I like knowing that. I like knowing I can take care of me and my girls. So if anyone is worried about our situation, I won't lie, I am too. But know this, this is not John's fault and he is trying like Hell to find a job. I also want to say that I support him, he loves me and he loves his girls. He is a great husband and I don't think less of him because of this. I hope no one feels that way. He is my best friend and I wouldn't change that for someone who made millions.

I have said what's been on my mind. I guess this is should be called the world according to a wife, mother and then a teacher. This is something that has been on my mind for a long time and I just needed to finally get it off my chest. So anyone who is worried that I am here because I can't leave that's not the case. I am here because I love John and I want to be here. Is it hard? Yeah sometimes, lately a lot, but John and I will see it through together. We will get it done together.

Thanks for listening to my rambling.
God Bless
Take Care