Medical stuff

Well I went to the doctor yesterday and my blood sugars were high. Now I have to poke my finger twice a day. I also have to change my diet. This is a big adjustment for me. I know how to fix it by losing weight and getting some exercise. For the past year this has been difficult for me. Hopefully I can get off my rear end and start working out again.

I have a cold, so the doctor says. I have miserable for the past three days. It has gone through our family. The girls have all had it and now John and I. I hope we all start feeling better soon.

The girls got their progress reports from school today. They are all doing great! S got all 4's and so did Maranda. L got some 3;s and a lot of 4's. They are doing great and love school. I am glad they are doing so great. We only have three monthas left of school. We only have three more weeks until Spring break too. I am very excited about that.

Well until next time. Take care
God Bless.

I am sitting here staring at the screen trying to figure out what to put down tonight. My mind is blank. I am getting sick (I think). My roommate was sick this weekend and so have been my daughters. I have used my inhaler and nebalizer today. My chest is tight and I feel icky!!! So the few I have following this thanks for checking in but that's it tonight. I am tired and going to bed now and try to sleep.

Take care
God Bless.

My sister told me I needed to pick a font, but I like using fonts that somewhat represent my moods. Today I am in a pretty good mood. I had the awful test done. I had to sit in the doctor's office for 2 hours after drinking the orange drink. I took nothing with me!! No ipod, no book not even my glasses (I forgot those). So I sat there alone and waiting for two hours. Had I known they wouldn't let me leave I would have at least brought a book or my blanket that needs to get done.

The blanket...boy that's a subject. My mom everytime I talk to her asks "Have you finished the blanket?" and no I haven't. For a while I would work on it only for about an hour but then get horrible headaches. I bought a new pair of "reading" glasses and that helped to get me moving. I don't get as bad of headaches. So now hopefully I can put my butt in this chair and get the blanket done. I was hoping for Christmas now maybe for Easter (Ha Ha). I don't know why this has been so difficult this time for me. I couldn't tell you that at all. So I am going to go now and work on the blanket. Once I get it done I will put a picture on here.

Take care
God Bless.

Lazy Day

Today was a pretty lazy day. Although we did make it to Church. It was nice to go back. We haven't been in a long time and it was great to see it. We spent the rest of the day just relaxing. I laid around on the couch and it felt great to do almost absolutely nothing. It was chilly here for Phoenix and it was great to just snuggle in a blanket and some sweats and just doze.

Tomorrow it will be nice we have the day off. I have to go have a blood test first thing in the morning. My blood sugar seems to be a bit high and so I have to have a 2 hour blood sugar test. Hopefully it will all work out ok. I don't want to deal with diabetes. I dealt with it when I went through M's pregnancy.

Anyway it was a nice family weekend. We had a nice weekend.

Take Care.
God Bless.

Wow I just typed a big blog and lost it because I didn't publish it. I am sure there is a way to retrieve it but I don't know how yet....so anyway it was just random thoughts.

Being a teacher I have come to despise some holidays, Valentine's day for one. It becomes just a holiday that takes important time away from teaching. I understand that kids need some fun, but it wouldn't be so bad if they only lost that one day. Unfortunatly that is not how it works, you lose two to three days because they get so excited before the actual even that they can't concentrate. My students started in about Wednesday not paying attention and totally not listening to me. So we struggled through Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Friday was a nightmare and I came home totally exhausted and glad I have a three day weekend this weekend. I have a couple days to recover and get ready to face the children again on Tuesday.

On Monday I have to get blood taken. My sugars are high, this may mean I am becoming diabetic. I know one way to avoid that happening is to lose weight. That has become so difficult lately that I hate even thinking about it. I know that I need to workout and get moving yet when I get home from work I just don't have the energy to actually do anything. My thyroid was also low so maybe that will come up and I will start feeling like working out and getting healthy. That is my next goal and getting my blanket done. But that is a post all in itself.

Take care
God Bless.

I am around children all day. I get up listening to them. I go to work and listen to them. I get home and listen to them. I am around them all day long. My life is children. I have seen and met many children!! So sometimes is surprises me when one amazes me. Tonight my own child amazed me. My five year old is smart. Sure we say all our children are smart and they are just in different ways. My twins are smart, S is book smart and loves reading and will be my writer. L is sarcastic and gets sarcasm even at her young age. She is electronic smart like her dad. It's my youngest that amazes me.

Tonight we are sitting on the couch she has a second grade math sheet and is doing the problems without using her fingers (well too much). She is sitting her "thinking" about the answer and is gettingthem right. My little girl can read at a 2nd grade level. She can also write like no 5 year old I have ever seen. Am I bragging, well maybe a little but I have a reason to brag. The knows her sight words up to the middle of second grade and writes better then most of my second graders. I am very proud of this little girl.

I have touched many childrens' lives I always hope for the positive. In reality probably not always for the positive let's face it we all have bad days. I really try and do something great for each one of them everyday. I try to give more positive feedback then negative but again that doesn't always happen. So it is facinating to me when I am amazed by a child even my own.

Well I guess my blog today was just a shameless brag about my kindergartener. It is upbeat though better then the last two. I just hope I can keep this little girl interested and keep her going on doing her best. She is smart and I hope that I can keep her wanting to be smart.

Thanks for stopping by.
God Bless.

Appearance matters too much?

Every morning I get up and I have to look at myself in the mirror.I am ashamed of what I see. Fives years ago I started losing weight and within two years I had lost 120 pounds. Then within another 2 years I gained it back. Well not all but most. I can't help but feel ashamed for what I have done. Because of feeling ashamed I can't seem to get it together enough to lose the weight again. I look at people and they must think how could she have done that? Well I honestly wonder that myself. I look at myself and I wonder how did I let myself do this. I don't want to be heavy the rest of my life but...well there shouldn't be a but. I know what I need to do, but getting it done is really difficult.

I then look at my husband and think, wow that man deserves a woman that will care enough about herself to take care of herself for her family. I want to see my girls grow. I want to help them get ready for their proms. Do they still do proms? I want to sit by my wonderful husband the day they get married and cry that my babies are grown. If this is going to happen I need to lose the weight and keep it off. This is where the problem lies, getting the weight off. I have done weight watchers and it worked but right now I just can't seem to do it. I haven't had the energy or the want. You have to have the want and I have to do it for me. But when your opinion of yourself is so low you don't believe you deserve anything for yourself it makes that difficult. Right now because of the gain I am at that point. Because I let myself go back to do this I don't believe I deserve the time and energy in improving myself. Is this irrational thought absolutely. But my self worth seems to be wrapped up in whether I am skinny or heavy. If I am skinny I seem to be worth more then if I am heavy. Am I really less of a person when I am heavy? I think so, but I don't know if other people think that. Whether I am heavy or skinny, I am still a mother, a teacher, and a wife. Whether skinny or fat I am still all those people. I will say I am better at being those when I am skinny. But I am still all those things. Why do we tie so much of who we see ourselves as being into our appearance and our weight? What I look like on the outside isn't who I am on the inside. It has nothing to do with how I feel about people or my kids, husband or family. The only difference it has is on how I feel about me.

Well these are my thoughts today no matter how scattered and depressing! I need to realize that I am who I am no matter what I look like. I need to like myself as much as other people like and care about me.

Till next time. God Bless.

Answered Prayers.

I read my sister's blog today and I thought I would try and start one of my own. Her page is beautifully laid out and I already know mine won't be nearly as nice. This helps me to get my feelings that I keep inside out. I go through the day biting my tongue. Through this maybe I won't have to bite my tongue.

For the past six months I have gone through a really rough patch. I am a pretty upbeat person so staying with that persona I kept my chin up. In reality I was drowning on the the inside. I was overwhelmed and not sure what I was going to do next. One thing that I did do through this was pray. I prayed everday for help. Help for my marriage that was strained and being pulled, help for my husband to find a job and to feel needed again, help for my children to make it through this rough patch with little or no knowledge that it was happening. I prayed for help, just help. For months I felt my prayers went unanswered. I watch as people around me got huge prayers answered. This might discourage some people but I knew it was all in God's time. He was helping but not in the way I wanted. God doesn't work like that it's not in my time but his. I had to give all my worries, fears, and desperation over to him. Yes I was desperate, very desperate to get back on our feet and to get through this horrible time.

People would ask how I was and my stock answer was fine, just hanging in there. It wasn't until my principal pulled me into his office and questioned me about "being fine." Right then and there I let it go. I bet he had no idea that day when he called me into his office he would open pandora's box with me. He probably never thought he would get the flood of emotion that came with the simple question "are you ok?" No I wasn't ok. I was a wreck!! He sat there and listened, then calmly asked what he could do. What could he do? Pay our rent, impossible? So I told him no there was nothing but he lifted my spirits. He gave me the ok to feel the way I did. He told me it was ok for me to take care of myself and my family and put the job on the back burner for a little while. That honestly was the one thing I needed. I truly needed someone to ask me if I was honestly ok and to check on me. Most people asked about my husband. Is he ok? How was he handling it? Things like that but not about me. When I left his office that day I really felt a since of release and relief. I let go and started telling people I wasn't ok and that I needed help.

One week later my prayers for help were answered. Well honestly that Friday they were answered! My husband got a job, and things have turned around. My prayers for help were answered. I am estatic. I feel like I have a new lease on life. I am not feeling run down, or out of control any more. We are going to be ok. I think at the point when I couldn't take it any more God help me to get back on my feet. He only gives us what we can handle and I think he knew I was at my limit. That day though when my boss talked to me was my new beginning and from that it has been a remarkable time!

Well that is my first blog. I love to write so hopefully I can share my life with some people who mean a lot to me. Ones that will learn more about me and understand my feelings, fears, and ambitions.

Take care til next time. God Bless.