Back Again

Well I am home again. I have been home for three days and it now feels like we never left and our vacation is just a memory. Sad. The girls and I had a good time. We got to visit with my sister and her family and my parents. Fresno was hot but it was fun to be there since I grew up in that area. We got to spend time with my niece and her baby. The baby is adorable and I have to say I am so very proud of my niece. She is the best mom and is doing an awesome job with that little girl. You can just see the love flow out of her daughter's eyes whenever she looks at her mommy. She is doing awesome. I know how hard it's been and she has stepped up to the plate and has taken this head on. I just can't say enough of how proud I am of her.

The trip to Oregon was fun. The weather was cool most of the time but that was ok with me since when we got here it was 115 degrees. We got to go on the boat ride and it was so much fun. We all got wet except S. She hid under a blanket and didn't get that wet. L and my nephew A were soaked and just having a blast!!! The kids had fun together but the togetherness got to be a bit much for them. Still they had fun. The kids got to go bowling. Then we went bowling as a family and Diana got hurt.What an experience.

Anyway we had a really good time and the girls had a blast. It was really nice to be home. by the end of the trip I really missed John and I was really ready to be home. All in all it was a very good trip!!!

God Bless
Take Care.

A rant and some good news

Well today first of all I am pissed. I got my hair cut and I HATE it. I took in a picture and it looks nothing like the picture. I wanted some cute hair cut and she scalped me. So everyone who sees me next week I know it looks horrid. Why can't people just tell you that they don't know how do the cut instead of saying oh yeah and then messin it up. Maybe in a couple of weeks it will be better. I just hate it!! We will see in a few weeks. My rant is why can't people just be honest. If you don't know how just tell me. i would have waited until I got to Oregon. I am just frustrated. And it's horrible to have a hair cut you hate.

Ok now the good news. Well everyone John is a working man. He got a job working for Solar Cat which is a company that makes Solar dishes for electric companies. He will be making 45,000 a year. We are just estatic!! WE are celebrating tonight. This has been a great day for us. He is starting as a tech and working into being an engineer.

I also found out yesterday I am going to be an Aunt also. My sis - n- law is pregnant so after I finish my niece's babies blanket I will be doing another one. I am hoping for a girl so I can do the Holly Hobbie blanket. I am thrilled so is John!!!

It's been a good day.

God Bless and Thank you Lord.
Take Care.

Counting the days

Today is Wednesday and that means I only have one week of Summer School left. I am excited about that. Even though this has been the best year of Summer School I have taught I am still ready to be done. The girls are done with Summer School and they go to VBS next week. They are looking forward to that. John will take them to VBS if he doesn't get hired from one of his interviews this week. Yep that's right interviews. On Friday he will have had three interviews. He had one with Sears on Monday, tomorrow he has one with Solar Cat and then he has one on Friday with some avionics company. With Solar Cat they had 60 resumes for one position and the guy told John he was going to interview about 7 and they ended up calling John for as one of the 7. Let's keep our fingers and toes crossed.

Well me and the girls leave for Oregon in 9 days (yes I am counting). I haven't been there in a couple of years. I am so looking forward to some time away from the Valley of the Sun. We have had a mild summer so far but it is still pretty warm. I am looking too being by the ocean and just having fun with the girls. The girls are really looking forward to going. Sarah said today she couldn't wait to meet my great niece (the baby) their second cousin. We are going to be gone about three weeks. actually more then three weeks almost a month. It's going to be fun.

My Thoughts

Well it's been a year since John got laid off from his job. It's been a difficult year for both of us. You hear how I feel about the whole thing but does anyone realize what it does to John? I sit here and watch him night after night pour over phone books and internet sights trying to find anything. I have even taken the reins on some and applied at Walmart, Sam's,7-11 and other gas stations. He never gets a call. Think, how would it make you feel if every time you interviewed you got told you weren't good enough or nothing at all? I watch him disappear a little each time he interviews and then watch his sails go down when he doesn't get the job. For men being able to provide for their families is all tied into their self esteem and how they feel about being a "man." For a while now I have provided for our family. It doesn't bother me at all. Anyone who cares to read this, think of it in my way and answer these questions. Would it to be better with someone who can give me everything I want or need and be treated poorly, and that person is never at home and the girls don't have much of a father, or would it be better to be with someone who loves me completely and is there 100% for our girls. Someone who is a father and a wonderful spoiling husband. Sure I will admit I would love to have both but right now I don't and I am ok with that because my emotional needs are met. We have to let some things slide because we don't have the money and sometimes bills have to wait but we always take care of things.

Another thing to think of before I sign off. I take care of us finacially no surprise there. If that's the case if I didn't love, truly love, my husband would I still be here? I don't need him to help support me, I can take care of myself. So, I am here because I want to be. I am also teaching my girls to be strong women and that it's ok for them to support their families. Times are changing and it's ok for a wife to take care of their families. It's also nice knowing that if anything happens and our marriage goes bust I can leave and be ok on our own. I like knowing that. I like knowing I can take care of me and my girls. So if anyone is worried about our situation, I won't lie, I am too. But know this, this is not John's fault and he is trying like Hell to find a job. I also want to say that I support him, he loves me and he loves his girls. He is a great husband and I don't think less of him because of this. I hope no one feels that way. He is my best friend and I wouldn't change that for someone who made millions.

I have said what's been on my mind. I guess this is should be called the world according to a wife, mother and then a teacher. This is something that has been on my mind for a long time and I just needed to finally get it off my chest. So anyone who is worried that I am here because I can't leave that's not the case. I am here because I love John and I want to be here. Is it hard? Yeah sometimes, lately a lot, but John and I will see it through together. We will get it done together.

Thanks for listening to my rambling.
God Bless
Take Care

Summer Life

Well things have slowed down here a lot since it is summer. I am teaching Summer school I have eight children so it's slow but I hope I am making difference. I am looking forward to my trip to Oregon (thanks to the generosity of my sis). We are leaving the last Saturday in June. The girls ae thrilled!!! As soon as they found out that we were going to be able to go they started packing. Too cute right?? They can't wait to see Nana and Papa and their cousins and oh yea Aunt Diana too. Their words not mine. We are planning to stop at my older sister's house and see my niece and that beautiful daughter of her's again. The girls will get to meet her for the first time. They are soo excited.

John did call Sears yesterday and he didn't get a no. Well he didn't get a yes either (yet we hope). The woman took his last name looked something up and said (and I quote) "It is being processed on our end and waiting for management approval." We are hoping that means he got it because they didn't say no and he didn't get an email saying they weren't interested which he has with all the other postitions he has applied for. So keep up with those prayers that this means good news. We could use it!!

Well that's about all that is happening in my life right now. Things are slow and we are just going day by day.

Take Care
God Bless.
Laurie

My BJ, my dog

It was a year ago this week I had to put my wonderful BJ down. She had lived with us for almost 15 years. That is a good life span for a dog but letting her go was the most difficult thing I had ever done. I was heartbreaking that I wasn't here for that moment. When I was in Colorado last summer she got sick and our pet sitter found her. I gave her the ok to have her put to sleep after speaking with the vet. I wish I could have been here to see. her. This weekend we watched "Marley and Me" and it just brought it all back. The movie was really good I laughed and I cried. The end was so sad and especially this next week. I miss her almost all time but this week I really miss her.

Well last week we finished school. The girls got done on Thursday and then I went in and finished on Friday. It feels great that is it over!! I have one week off and then I have to teach Summer school for a month then next year I will teach first grade next year.

Well that is it for right now.

God Bless
Take Care.

Quick one tonight

This will be fast. I just wanted to let all my readers know that I found out today that I got my job back and I get to stay at Stevenson (which is where I teach now). This was extremely good news. I will be teaching the first grade combo class. This is a new class that we are developing right now. I am very excited I would teach anywhere next year to have a job and to be at Stevenson. So this was good news. Just wanted to tell everyone.

God Bless
Take Care

Life goes on

Well we are back from Vegas and have been for almost a week. The weekend was fun and the wedding was fabulous. I loved spending time with my family. It was great for all of us to get together. John and I got in on Friday afternoon after a 6 hour car ride. The ride was pretty good very uneventful. We stayed at the Excalibur and believe me that was an experience and for us not a very good one. I have complained several times to them and they just blow me off. Anyway when we got there we got settled and set off to find my sisters and nieces. While walking through the lobby we ran into my younger sister and my niece. So we hooked up with them and went up to their room at the other end of the hotel room. Then I got to meet the person I have been waiting for eight months to meet. My beautiful great niece and believe me she is gorgeous!!! She would just smile and giggle at me and then when John talked to her she would give him the death stare LOL. She didn't care too much for him.

Friday evening I got to meet up with some friends of mine from school. I had gone to Kindergarten with them so yep OLD friends.It was a blast to get reacquainted!!! We had dinner and drinks and just had fun. Then we went back to the Excalibur and met up with my family who was just finishing dinner. We went back to my sister's hotel room and just hung out. It was really fun.

Saturday was the big day. I got to babysit while my sisters and nieces got their hair done. When the baby woke up she was well let's just say less then thrilled that her mama wasn't there and I was. Luckily her Papa was right next door and came to rescue us. The wedding was beautiful and my niece was absolutely gorgeous!!! It was fun. The next big event for the weekend was waiting for my beautiful fabulous great niece to poop and when she finally did I think that event was as big as the wedding.

Sunday was just a day of relaxation. We ate the buffet there that night and then we left for our long drive back while everyone else stayed there one more night. I hate goodbyes!!! This one was hard because my younger sister was flying back to Germany and who knows how long it will be before I get to see her again. I sure do miss her a lot. She is my best friend and it is hard being so far apart. I never thought we would ever be half a world away from one another. Truthfully I thought we would all end up in Coalinga or Fresno. Not the way it happened though. I hope to get to my other sister in September when I go "home" for my 20 year reunion!!

I am still waiting to hear on my job and John's job. John has worked his construction job two days this past week and three days next week. He will then work a full week the following week. We are hoping to hear from Sears this next week. We might also hear about my job next week also. They are suppose to start calling people on Monday. So everyone big prayers and keep your fingers crossed. I really hope I get to stay at Stevenson and keep my job!! I guess we shall see.

Well till next time.
God Bless
Take Care

Excitement

Things have been ok here. John got a call from Sears on Friday to go put in an application and a resume. We are excited because it is a perfect job for him. It is for electronic technician. We are excited because it one he can easily get. So we are praying really hard that he wins them over.

The blanket is completely done!!! YEAH!! We put the backing and the ribbon on today. It is gorgeous. I LOVE it and I hope my beautiful niece and her gorgeous little girl love it as much as I do. I can't wait to give it to here. I get to see her in four days. We are excited we get to go to Vegas in less then a week. A weekend for John and I alone. YEAH!!! I can't wait.

My job is still in the air. I will have a job next year we just don't know where yet.

Well take care.
God Bless.

A Great Birthday

My birthday was yesterday and it was absolutely wonderful!! It started on Saturday when Shonna and John threw me a wonderful surprise birthday party. It was so much fun. Then yesterday on my actual birthday my class went above and beyond. I got flowers and a stuffed animal. It was great they showed their love for me. Then John made me home made lasagna and garlic bread. It was great.

I got my test scores and they were GREAT!!! I had 100% movement and success for my class. I also found out the I might have some good news on my job here soon. Aaron my boss is really fighting for me!! If HR will listen to him and agree with him I will get to stay at Stevenson as a 3/4 ELD teacher which means I will get my class again!!! I will get to loop with them which is what I wanted anyway. So heavy prayers will for this would be great. Hopefully I will know in the next couple of days. They said that they are hiring back about 50 teachers I am number 20. I have hope. I really have hope now.

Well that is all.
God Bless
Take care.

The worst week yet!!

This week has been awful.I have been extremely down and just pissed off. Sorry but that's how I feel. I am pissed at God because I feel he brought us down and here and just like the people who wanted us down here the most he turned his back on us. I am hopeless and just pissed.

Well the week started out on Monday and on Monday at lunch I was eating a ham sandwhich and choked, literally choked on a piece of ham. I choked so bad that I couldn't breathe!! I could get the ham up a bit and then back down it went. I was panicked and there was no one around. The only thing I could think of is "I am going to die and it will be my kids who find me!!" I remembered hearing you could get it up by using a chair so that's what I did. I threw myself on the back of the chair and hucked the ham across the room and it hit the computer screen on my desk!! After I could breathe again I saw stars and flashing lights. Then I was sore the rest of the day especially my throat. Boy what a scary experience I have never choked like that again. What a terrible way to go!

Anyway my mood is a little lighter today. I am still mad, but I smilled a lot more today and cried a lot less. Maybe it's this whole 38 birthday coming next week. Maybe it's all tied to that I don't know...all I know is God and I aren't (right now) on speaking terms. I have prayed for a change, for John to find a job, and for me not to be laid off. He didn't answer or heard NONE of those prayers! I feel he doesn't listen to me. So I am mad and scared. What's going to happen come July will God let us go through that month with NO money and by August homeless? Anyway it has been a horrible week. It's almost over two more days and maybe next week will be better. Please pray!

God Bless
Take care.

Happy Easter

Last night we went to an Easter Vigil and it was the most moving and reflective service I have ever been too. This week my faith has suffered and after last night and today's Easter service I only need the faith of a tiny mustard seed. That about how big it is right now. We found out the job John had inteviewed for he didn't get. He got an email yesterday. We were a little disappointed but then again we are used to it.

Today was a fun Easter. The weather was beautiful probably in the high 70's. The Easter bunny brought the girls a slip in slide and they loved it. LeAnn and Maranda must have played on it for hours. They really had alot of fun. We have a lake in our back yard right now but they had fun.

I made dinner and had John's grandam and his aunt and uncle over for dinner. We had ham and salads and Shonna made Better then sex chocolate cake. It was awesome!! Dinner was great and I still am so very full. Well that was our Easter. I think we both missed our families alot today but I know for me today I didn't want to explain one more time what it going on with us. You know what I mean? I didn't want to explain about my lay off and John's job one more time. We have explained it to many times.

Anyway. Happy Easter.
He Has Risen...He has risen indeed!!!
God Bless
Have a great week.

Let me explain

I need to explain somethingsabout my blog from yesterday. I was pretty upset last night when I wrote that and somethings are pretty unclear. I still have a job through at least May and if my boss has his say through Summer School in June. My boss is almost 99% sure I will get hired back. That doesn't help this horrible feeling of sadness. There are 147 elementary school teachers that got laid off. When they start hiring back they will start with number 147 on that list I am 125. That means there are 21 teachers ahead of me to be hired. That is the good news more then likely I will have a job next year. The bad news is that I probably won't be at Stevenson. If Aaron (my boss) has anything to do with that he will get me back there. Yesterday I was very sad over the whole thing today Iam sad and a little pissed. Sorry that is the best word I can think of. There is a teacher who teaches next to me who was put on a growth plan this year. That means that she is on her way to being fired and here I get good evaluations and I am the one going!! Yep that pisses me off a bit. It also just pisses Aaron off.

Anyway I wanted to explain this a bit better. I know there were questions of what was going on. My mom doesn't seem to think I need to worry because I always get a job and yeah I do until the one time I don't. But one this is definitly for sure I can always substitute.

John has an interview tomorrow so if you guys could keep him in your prayers to get the job. We could use a bit of good news around this house because we are tired of being kicked while we are down.

Take Care
GodBless

The worst day of my life

You would think as a teacher your job would be safe. WRONG!!! I got laid off today. It was the longest worst day of my life. I have always been supportive for John through things like that but today I know how he feels. The weight of world is on my shoulders and I let my family down. Today has been awful. Honestly I don't have much to say tonight. I am just asking for prayers. John is working but not consistently so I am the sole consistent bread winner. Today I failed my family and it's not even my fault. My boss feels horrible....

So please keep my family in your prayers.

God Bless.
Take care.

Just another lazy Sunday

Well we actually got up and went to church today. It's Palm Sunday and the start of Holy week. Last year I was out during this week but this week I have to teach. I do have Friday off for Good Friday. We went out to brunch with GG and had a great time. We always do, then came home just kind of relaxed. We are getting dinner ready and ready to go back to work tomorrow. We are hoping John works tomorrow!!! He has been not working much for a couple of weeks now. Enough to earn some money but not enough to make alot. He had an interview with Echostar this past week and hopefully and interview with Intel. We are hoping that he gets one of those!! So those of you that actually read this and pray please pray really hard that he gets one of these jobs. Sometimes though it makes me wonder why some people get their prayers answered and with us we don't. what did we do to make our lives so hard?? Is it who I married? Well I could have married someone who beats me but makes millions or someone who ignores me and is never home. I don't have that, I have a man who loves me beyond belief and thinks I "almost" walk on water. So what is better? The beating definitly not!! I did find a man that is a great daddy to our daughters and someone who I would want my girls to marry. We don't always have such a hard time but yes it would be nice not to have to worry where the money is going to come from to pay what bills and if we are going to eat "good" this week or is it going to be a "hamburger" week you know what I mean. Anyway that is what Ithink about. I don't believe that money makes everything. I don't want to be "rich" I just want to be able to pay the bills and eat all in the same week. But we have a good, loving, strong marriage so maybe in a way we are rich.

Well work now I did find out this past week that it looks like i will be teaching 1st grade next year. Wow not sure how I am going to like that but we will see. It will be a change for me. I have taught 2nd for almost 10 years now. Can you believe it's been that long? It's been 9!! I can'tbelieve it either. I guess maybe a time for a change. I will be also teaching the Spanish speaker also. Like I said we will see. Wish me luck. I amalso teaching Summer School but I will be teaching 2nd for that. I will be good as long as I don't have one specific little 2nd grader I had for tutoring. If I have her for 3.5 hours a day I might strangle myself now and just put myself out of my misery.

Well that is all my ramblings for this week.

God Bless you on this Holy week
take care.

Nothing much

I have a boring life!!! Nothing much has been going on here the past few weeks. We get up and go to school come home and just live our daily lives. John hasn't worked much in the past week or so. They are between jobs and have a big one starting they are just waiting for the go ahead. Let's hope and pray that happens soon. But his job gets us through. As summer gets closer we become a little more nervous about July. I don't get paid for July and that makes me nervous. What if he doesn't work as much. Well I will definitly be praying for that and we have to have faith that God will provide for us and get us through. He has in the past.

I had a jewlery party yesterday it was really fun. I earned 220 dollars worth of free jewelry!!! Because Shonna helped me get ready so much for the party I let her have 50% of my take. so I got 110 and she got 110.

I finished the blanket. It turned out beautiful!! It is gorgeous. So my great niece will get it in May and I will be able to give it to her in person. Which makes my procrastination that much better because I will get to see her mom and her recieve it. I can not wait to see that little cutie!!! In May and I can't wait.

Well that is it for now. Take care
God Bless.

First day of Spring Break and I am on the couch. I am sick again!!! I hardly ever get sick and here I am sick the second time in a month. My head is throbbing and I am congested and have a sore throat. I have slept off and on all day! I just really feel horrible.

I called my niece for her birthday yesterday. I told her I wanted to do a Holly Hobbie blanket for her it is absolutely beautiful. She asked me Holly Hobbie was. Am I really that old? Today I feel like it. I couldn't believe she didn't know who Holly Hobbie was. I told her to google her.

Today the girls have spent most of their day at the park. Iam going to take them swimming later this week. It should be fun. I just hope I start feeling better before that.

Well that is all that is happening. Oh John got a raise. He has worked a month on the job and he now got a raise. Good for him. I am happy.

Well until next time.
Take Care
God Bless.

Frustrated!!!

This is going to be a total rant!! I am completely frustrated. Since I have found out that I am diabetic I have completely stopped eating sugar. No wine, no ice cream no sugary chocolate no nothing. I only eat sugar free anything!!! Well...you would think I would lose weight. I lost 7 and then NOTHING> I have lost nothing since then. WTH!!! I would think it would come off easily. I count my points everyday even though I am not really going to Weight Watchers. I stay within my points if not under everyday!! I HATE THIS!!! I have tried so very hard. I am still trying I haven't given up and I keep working on it everyday. But nothing has happened!!! The only thing that has worked is my blood sugar are COMPLETELY under control. They haven't been high since all of this started. But hey when am I going to get a break on weight? What else can I do? What else can I change. Yes, I am drinking water, I know that when through everybody's mind. I am seriously frustrated. Everyone tells me to be patient it takes time. It's been three weeks and still nothing. How long do I have to wait?? This is just riduculous. I am tired of working so hard and still nothing happening. I guess I am going to have break down and actually exercise of some sort. I did walk this week and still nothing, but then I popped my knee.

Last year my knee had a torn ligament. This week I was walking to the bowling alley with my class and my knee gave out on me. Since then my knee feels very unstable. It feels like it might go backwards. I don't want to the whole crutches thing again, nor do I want to go through all of that again. So I am staying off of it again as much as I can. Next week is spring break, so I will work on my blanket. So by my neice's wedding in Vegas it will be done. I PROMISE!!! :)

Well take care
God Bless.

Children

Today I would have been very happy to be childless. Today the girls had NOTHING nice to say to anyone including myself. It has been absolutely miserable!! It started the minute they walked out of their room. I am at the absolute point of going into my room and shutting myself in for the night until they go to bed. L was completely rude with me and finally John told her she was not to speak to me that way. I always feel he goes alittle easy on L. She gets so hateful with me and her sisters and he just is like oh huney it's alright. I want to throttle her and he just goes easy.

Today has been a difficult day for children!! I had to today send a child for the first time this school year to in school suspension. That always bothers me for some reason. He deserved I want an in home suspension but one I don't have to run!! I just don't want to be the heavy all the time. I just don't know how too not lose my patience when our children are acting like demon children. Today was one of those days. I hope tomorrow gets much better. Or I might just run away.

Take care
God Bless

Today was M's birthday party. It was so much fun. She had a blast!! They made her feel like a birthday star. We had pizza and then a wonderful chocolate cake. I only had a very TINY piece it was rich and good. Good for me though I didn't overdue it!!! Grandma McFarlen flew down here from Denver and surprised us. I had it figured out before she got down here she was coming and so did John but the girls were really surprised. They loved getting to see their grandma.

M got lots clothes and some money so since she didn't get many toys (like she needs them) we will take the money she got and go get her some. She will definitlty have fun shopping. I also love taking them shopping so maybe just her and I will go and have a mother-daughter day. Who knows.

Tomorrow our roommate is taking S for a day for her. S wants me to go too so I am going to leave John with the other two and we are going to spoil S for a day. L got to go last weekend and with M's birthday this weekend I am pretty sure that little ms. S is feeling pretty left out. She does well with it all though. It will be nice to spend the day with just her.

Well that is about our weekend. I hope you had a great one too.
Take care
God Bless.

Well we got some news about contracts today. I am safe this year so far!! Honestly I should be ok no matter what. The one thing it might be happening is that I might be looping with my kids this year. I would be ok with that this year. I really enjoy my kids and would like to stay with them one more year. Then after next year I would get another bunch of kids and loop with them from 1st. I don't know we shall see. We will see what happens. This is as of today but things change.

Today was Maranda's birthday. She had a great day and thoroughly enjoyed her birthday. Her name got announced on SBC that is our news at school and she was thrilled to hear her name. She was also very excited because she shares her birthday with her Papa. She loves her Nana and Papa she just wishes she could see them more and so do I. She got to call her Papa on the phone and she was just tickled about that. So Happy Birthday Maranda!!

Well that is my life this week. Nothing much going on here. Pretty boring.

Take Care
God Bless.

I just got done watching the movie Fireproof. What a powerful movie!!! I sat at the end and just cried. I realized that half of the time I go through the motions. I am a wife a mother a teacher and a christian. I am not very good at any of them. I do what is expected and enough to "get by." I don't want that any more. I have felt like this for a while and I change for a bit and then go back to old habits. In October I went to Crusillo which was a wonderful experience and then a few months later I am back to my old ways. I do it in lots of ways. I try hard and loose weight and then a revert back. Why do we always revert back to the way we were before when we don't like ourselves when we are that way? I just don't get it. I desire to be better, to make my children's and my husband's lives easier and yet I don't. Am I really that selfish? My children and my husband deserve better. I deserve to give better. My students at school deserve better and my God deserves better.

How do we make changes "stick" whether it is weight loss or just revamping who we are spiritually. How do we make these changes stick? I love my job, my family and my life and I want what is best for my children and my family. I guess the answer really is pray. Pray for the changes to work pray for God to take control of my life and of me and to help me quit going through the motions in my life. Help me to change for the better and for that change to become my life. In the movie the main character makes a life altering change and his life if just opened up to him. I want that overwhelming joy because I don't have that overwhelming joy in my life. This movie touched me deep down. I want changes to occur but like weight loss and things like that I can pray for the strength but I have to do the work. I have to make the changes. Today is a new day and a time for me to make the changes that need to be made. I ask for the strength to do that. I ask for God to help me that is my prayer. So if you are a praying person then add that to your list of prayers for me. Pray that I can keep the changes. I can make them I have before, it is sticking with them that is the hardest. Pray that I can make the changes stick in my life so that my family has the best life espeically my children.

Take care and God Bless

Busy Weekend

It was a busy weekend. My brother and his family came to Arizona to watch Spring training. It was fun we went to see the Giants and Mariners play. The girls got lots of autographs. The Giants lost but oh well it's only Spring Training. Then we went to Dave and Busters for dinner. The girls had a blast playing with their cousin Michelle. I can't believe how grown up my niece and nephew are. I blinked and one is in college and the other one is looking at colleges.

The vet called me on Friday they had a gift for me from BJ. BJ is my dog I had to put down last May. I got there and it was a paw print in clay. I walked out crying. Here her death was almost a year ago and I walked out crying hard at getting that gift. Then I picked up the mail and there was a reminder (from another vet) that BJ needed to go in for her yearly check up. I really miss her. I have never lost my own dog until BJ and it has been hard. I miss her and still tear up when I think about it all. Now I have a beautiful clay paw print to remember my dear B by.

I had my evaluation from my boss on Friday. I got 7 commendables (the highest marks you can get). He said I am an awesome dedicated teacher. It is nice to hear the compliments from my boss. Sometimes it is hard to be "professional" completely with my boss because we have become such good friends. I love working for him and we have a good time at work. The school I teach at has become my home. I was asked this weekend if there was a chance of me losing my job. Arizona is making huge cuts in Education and eventually it is going to hurt the children. I am not at a risk this year, but you never know next year. One thing though usually enough teachers leave and retire that really I should be ok no matter what. I just might not get to stay at Stevenson. I know one thing though Aaron would fight to keep me. One thing he wants me to get and use a smart board. That is alittle imitating. I think it would be cool but again I said it is intimidating.

Well that is what has been going on in my life. One more thing we celebrate my youngest daughter's 6th birthday. I can't believe my baby is going to be 6. Her birthday is Thursday and she is so excited because she shares it with her Papa. We are having her birthday on Saturday at Chuck E. Cheese. It should be fun.

Well that's it take care.
God Bless.
Laurie

Medical stuff

Well I went to the doctor yesterday and my blood sugars were high. Now I have to poke my finger twice a day. I also have to change my diet. This is a big adjustment for me. I know how to fix it by losing weight and getting some exercise. For the past year this has been difficult for me. Hopefully I can get off my rear end and start working out again.

I have a cold, so the doctor says. I have miserable for the past three days. It has gone through our family. The girls have all had it and now John and I. I hope we all start feeling better soon.

The girls got their progress reports from school today. They are all doing great! S got all 4's and so did Maranda. L got some 3;s and a lot of 4's. They are doing great and love school. I am glad they are doing so great. We only have three monthas left of school. We only have three more weeks until Spring break too. I am very excited about that.

Well until next time. Take care
God Bless.

I am sitting here staring at the screen trying to figure out what to put down tonight. My mind is blank. I am getting sick (I think). My roommate was sick this weekend and so have been my daughters. I have used my inhaler and nebalizer today. My chest is tight and I feel icky!!! So the few I have following this thanks for checking in but that's it tonight. I am tired and going to bed now and try to sleep.

Take care
God Bless.

My sister told me I needed to pick a font, but I like using fonts that somewhat represent my moods. Today I am in a pretty good mood. I had the awful test done. I had to sit in the doctor's office for 2 hours after drinking the orange drink. I took nothing with me!! No ipod, no book not even my glasses (I forgot those). So I sat there alone and waiting for two hours. Had I known they wouldn't let me leave I would have at least brought a book or my blanket that needs to get done.

The blanket...boy that's a subject. My mom everytime I talk to her asks "Have you finished the blanket?" and no I haven't. For a while I would work on it only for about an hour but then get horrible headaches. I bought a new pair of "reading" glasses and that helped to get me moving. I don't get as bad of headaches. So now hopefully I can put my butt in this chair and get the blanket done. I was hoping for Christmas now maybe for Easter (Ha Ha). I don't know why this has been so difficult this time for me. I couldn't tell you that at all. So I am going to go now and work on the blanket. Once I get it done I will put a picture on here.

Take care
God Bless.

Lazy Day

Today was a pretty lazy day. Although we did make it to Church. It was nice to go back. We haven't been in a long time and it was great to see it. We spent the rest of the day just relaxing. I laid around on the couch and it felt great to do almost absolutely nothing. It was chilly here for Phoenix and it was great to just snuggle in a blanket and some sweats and just doze.

Tomorrow it will be nice we have the day off. I have to go have a blood test first thing in the morning. My blood sugar seems to be a bit high and so I have to have a 2 hour blood sugar test. Hopefully it will all work out ok. I don't want to deal with diabetes. I dealt with it when I went through M's pregnancy.

Anyway it was a nice family weekend. We had a nice weekend.

Take Care.
God Bless.

Wow I just typed a big blog and lost it because I didn't publish it. I am sure there is a way to retrieve it but I don't know how yet....so anyway it was just random thoughts.

Being a teacher I have come to despise some holidays, Valentine's day for one. It becomes just a holiday that takes important time away from teaching. I understand that kids need some fun, but it wouldn't be so bad if they only lost that one day. Unfortunatly that is not how it works, you lose two to three days because they get so excited before the actual even that they can't concentrate. My students started in about Wednesday not paying attention and totally not listening to me. So we struggled through Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Friday was a nightmare and I came home totally exhausted and glad I have a three day weekend this weekend. I have a couple days to recover and get ready to face the children again on Tuesday.

On Monday I have to get blood taken. My sugars are high, this may mean I am becoming diabetic. I know one way to avoid that happening is to lose weight. That has become so difficult lately that I hate even thinking about it. I know that I need to workout and get moving yet when I get home from work I just don't have the energy to actually do anything. My thyroid was also low so maybe that will come up and I will start feeling like working out and getting healthy. That is my next goal and getting my blanket done. But that is a post all in itself.

Take care
God Bless.

I am around children all day. I get up listening to them. I go to work and listen to them. I get home and listen to them. I am around them all day long. My life is children. I have seen and met many children!! So sometimes is surprises me when one amazes me. Tonight my own child amazed me. My five year old is smart. Sure we say all our children are smart and they are just in different ways. My twins are smart, S is book smart and loves reading and will be my writer. L is sarcastic and gets sarcasm even at her young age. She is electronic smart like her dad. It's my youngest that amazes me.

Tonight we are sitting on the couch she has a second grade math sheet and is doing the problems without using her fingers (well too much). She is sitting her "thinking" about the answer and is gettingthem right. My little girl can read at a 2nd grade level. She can also write like no 5 year old I have ever seen. Am I bragging, well maybe a little but I have a reason to brag. The knows her sight words up to the middle of second grade and writes better then most of my second graders. I am very proud of this little girl.

I have touched many childrens' lives I always hope for the positive. In reality probably not always for the positive let's face it we all have bad days. I really try and do something great for each one of them everyday. I try to give more positive feedback then negative but again that doesn't always happen. So it is facinating to me when I am amazed by a child even my own.

Well I guess my blog today was just a shameless brag about my kindergartener. It is upbeat though better then the last two. I just hope I can keep this little girl interested and keep her going on doing her best. She is smart and I hope that I can keep her wanting to be smart.

Thanks for stopping by.
God Bless.

Appearance matters too much?

Every morning I get up and I have to look at myself in the mirror.I am ashamed of what I see. Fives years ago I started losing weight and within two years I had lost 120 pounds. Then within another 2 years I gained it back. Well not all but most. I can't help but feel ashamed for what I have done. Because of feeling ashamed I can't seem to get it together enough to lose the weight again. I look at people and they must think how could she have done that? Well I honestly wonder that myself. I look at myself and I wonder how did I let myself do this. I don't want to be heavy the rest of my life but...well there shouldn't be a but. I know what I need to do, but getting it done is really difficult.

I then look at my husband and think, wow that man deserves a woman that will care enough about herself to take care of herself for her family. I want to see my girls grow. I want to help them get ready for their proms. Do they still do proms? I want to sit by my wonderful husband the day they get married and cry that my babies are grown. If this is going to happen I need to lose the weight and keep it off. This is where the problem lies, getting the weight off. I have done weight watchers and it worked but right now I just can't seem to do it. I haven't had the energy or the want. You have to have the want and I have to do it for me. But when your opinion of yourself is so low you don't believe you deserve anything for yourself it makes that difficult. Right now because of the gain I am at that point. Because I let myself go back to do this I don't believe I deserve the time and energy in improving myself. Is this irrational thought absolutely. But my self worth seems to be wrapped up in whether I am skinny or heavy. If I am skinny I seem to be worth more then if I am heavy. Am I really less of a person when I am heavy? I think so, but I don't know if other people think that. Whether I am heavy or skinny, I am still a mother, a teacher, and a wife. Whether skinny or fat I am still all those people. I will say I am better at being those when I am skinny. But I am still all those things. Why do we tie so much of who we see ourselves as being into our appearance and our weight? What I look like on the outside isn't who I am on the inside. It has nothing to do with how I feel about people or my kids, husband or family. The only difference it has is on how I feel about me.

Well these are my thoughts today no matter how scattered and depressing! I need to realize that I am who I am no matter what I look like. I need to like myself as much as other people like and care about me.

Till next time. God Bless.

Answered Prayers.

I read my sister's blog today and I thought I would try and start one of my own. Her page is beautifully laid out and I already know mine won't be nearly as nice. This helps me to get my feelings that I keep inside out. I go through the day biting my tongue. Through this maybe I won't have to bite my tongue.

For the past six months I have gone through a really rough patch. I am a pretty upbeat person so staying with that persona I kept my chin up. In reality I was drowning on the the inside. I was overwhelmed and not sure what I was going to do next. One thing that I did do through this was pray. I prayed everday for help. Help for my marriage that was strained and being pulled, help for my husband to find a job and to feel needed again, help for my children to make it through this rough patch with little or no knowledge that it was happening. I prayed for help, just help. For months I felt my prayers went unanswered. I watch as people around me got huge prayers answered. This might discourage some people but I knew it was all in God's time. He was helping but not in the way I wanted. God doesn't work like that it's not in my time but his. I had to give all my worries, fears, and desperation over to him. Yes I was desperate, very desperate to get back on our feet and to get through this horrible time.

People would ask how I was and my stock answer was fine, just hanging in there. It wasn't until my principal pulled me into his office and questioned me about "being fine." Right then and there I let it go. I bet he had no idea that day when he called me into his office he would open pandora's box with me. He probably never thought he would get the flood of emotion that came with the simple question "are you ok?" No I wasn't ok. I was a wreck!! He sat there and listened, then calmly asked what he could do. What could he do? Pay our rent, impossible? So I told him no there was nothing but he lifted my spirits. He gave me the ok to feel the way I did. He told me it was ok for me to take care of myself and my family and put the job on the back burner for a little while. That honestly was the one thing I needed. I truly needed someone to ask me if I was honestly ok and to check on me. Most people asked about my husband. Is he ok? How was he handling it? Things like that but not about me. When I left his office that day I really felt a since of release and relief. I let go and started telling people I wasn't ok and that I needed help.

One week later my prayers for help were answered. Well honestly that Friday they were answered! My husband got a job, and things have turned around. My prayers for help were answered. I am estatic. I feel like I have a new lease on life. I am not feeling run down, or out of control any more. We are going to be ok. I think at the point when I couldn't take it any more God help me to get back on my feet. He only gives us what we can handle and I think he knew I was at my limit. That day though when my boss talked to me was my new beginning and from that it has been a remarkable time!

Well that is my first blog. I love to write so hopefully I can share my life with some people who mean a lot to me. Ones that will learn more about me and understand my feelings, fears, and ambitions.

Take care til next time. God Bless.